


Harry Potter and the Half Blood, Prince

by charlotteschaos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Challenge Response, Crack, Crossover, Fluff, Humor, Multi, One Shot, Out of Character, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-09
Updated: 2005-05-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 04:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8190217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlotteschaos/pseuds/charlotteschaos
Summary: Prince revisits his Alma Mater to give a concert. (implied H/D)  *Award Winner: Editor's Choice*





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Hex Files](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Hex_Files), which was closed for financial and health reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016.

All of Hogwarts was astir with the notion that none other than aging 80s pop star (although many would argue he's had a brilliant career since then) Prince was coming to the school to give a concert.

While certain Slytherins were sure that outing oneself as a Wizard was yet another desperate attempt to reclaim past glories of _Purple Rain_ popularity, most of the other houses were beside themselves with excitement.

"Do we address him as Prince, the artist formerly known as Prince, or just 'The Artist’?" asked Hermione. Though she'd done extensive reading on the subject, she still wasn't entirely sure what the proper protocol was.

Overhearing the conversation between Ron and Hermione, as he was heading to the Great Hall just behind them, Draco drawled, "Just call him _half-blood_ , Mudblood."

"No one asked _you_ , Malfoy," spat Ron as he wrapped a protective arm around Hermione. His fist clenched, ready to punish Malfoy for calling Hermione that name, yet again.

Hermione waved it off. "Come on, Ron. Let's leave Malfoy to his... bitterness," she said, tugging Ron along with her.

"Yes, lets. I'm sure he has loads of _daddy issues_ to deal with," snarked Ron.

As if he were dismissing them, instead of the other way around, Malfoy waved his hand and walked off. Daddy issues? Was he _that_ transparent?

* * *

After the first few wailing chords, Draco was sold on it. At first he'd refused to even look at the stage and instead hunched over with a dour expression on his face. He huffed at the fact that he evidently enjoyed this "music." _How irritating._ His whole way of life railed against everything Muggle and yet he couldn't deny the gentle sway of his hips at "Soft and Wet." The words were so _raunchy_ and the notes so _vulgar_. How could a teenaged boy _not_ love it?

Yet it wasn't until the chorus of, "When Doves Cry" that Draco Malfoy finally turned around and stared at the stage, wide eyes prickling with tears building up from what he felt was _a lifetime of being misunderstood_.

_Maybe I'm just 2 demanding_  
Maybe I'm just like my father 2 bold  
Maybe you're just like my mother  
She's never satisfied  
Why do we scream at each other  
This is what it sounds like  
When doves cry

Finally, someone understood his pain, understood what it was to be Draco Malfoy and attracted to Harry Potter, Dumbledore's Golden Boy, The Boy Who Lived! He looked over to Potter, hoping to find that same look of comprehension. Instead, Harry was amongst a clump of Gryffindors and was attempting to rut against Parvati Patil's ass, clearly hoping she wouldn't notice the frottage.

Draco decided he was right at the start. Muggle music was _wretched_ , even when played by the Half-Blood, Prince.

 

* * *

This is really just silly, but was the only thing that popped into my head for Remipunx's Song Challenge for "When Doves Cry" by Prince. _At least it's short_. Art by [Naggingfishwife](http://www.naggingfishwife.com). I probably wouldn't have posted it, but the art cracks me up. And yes, this is full of crack.


End file.
